Blog 2: Peer Review of Koh Han Xiong’s Essay

After reviewing my peer's essay on "A Force to Fight Global Warming" I have the following comments to make.

First, the thesis statement "We will look into the vital roles of the 2 arguments which were put forward by 3 ecologists namely Wil R. Turner, Michael Oppenheimer and David S. Wilcove." is found in paragraph 2 instead of paragraph 1. Paragraph 2 can be combined with paragraph 1 as both paragraphs are introducing the thesis of the essay.

Second, the writer did make use of connector words (like firstly and furthermore) to start a new paragraph.

Third, the last second paragraph is incoherent. Last sentence of the paragraph "Thus, when all the deforestation starts to take place we are destroying our food chain" does not really conclude the support details given in that paragraph. Henceforth, the word "thus" should not be use and should be replace with "Moreover, meats that are consumed by people are found in the natural ecosystem so by destroying the ecosystem we are actually destroying our food source."

Fourth, some of the paragraph written are too short and without clear supporting details. For example the paragraph "In the second argument, the authors are arguing on ..." should be combine with the two supporting evidence in the two paragraphs below. So, the paragraph should go like this "In the second argument, the authors are arguing on promising biotechnology behind the ecosystem. The authors are referring to that they are still many hidden science in the ecosystem that people has not found out. First evidence cited by the authors, enzymes from Limnoria quadripunctata, an insect, can breakdown agriculture waste products for biofuels. We do not need to clear lands or threaten the habitats to breakdown agriculture waste. Second evidence cited by the authors, the crops that farmer grows have wild relativities. This wild relative may have better growth opportunities in a new weather conditions. We should carry out researches on these wild relatives."